Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, whether you're together or separated. However, it's important to pay attention to why and how often these conflicts happen, how we argue, and how we resolve or handle them.

What can cause parental conflict?

• parenting styles
• household chores or responsibilities
• financial pressures
• moving to a new house
• having a baby
• health conditions
• substance or alcohol misuse
• lifestyle
• extended family
• hobbies and work commitments

Conflict is a normal part of family life, but it can harm parents and children if not handled well. 

Children exposed to frequent and intense parental conflict may face several risks:

• social problems: they might have trouble with friends and teachers, which can affect their school performance
• substance abuse: they are more likely to start using drugs or alcohol earlier
• relationship issues: they may struggle with relationships as adults
• job challenges: they could have difficulty finding and keeping jobs, leading to financial problems
• mental health: they have a higher risk of mental health issues, both as children and later in life
• developmental issues: conflict can affect their brain development and emotional growth, leading to behavioural problems and risk-taking
• health problems: they might experience health issues like sleep troubles, stomach aches, fatigue, headaches, and slower physical growth

Tips to resolve and manage conflict:

• pay attention to your feelings and behaviour
• focus on solving the problem, not just trying to win
• make sure you understand exactly what the disagreement is about
• find a common goal, be willing to adjust, and make compromises that benefit both parents and the child or children
• listen to each other’s perspective

Co-parenting is when two parents share the responsibility of raising their children and both stay involved in their daily lives.

After a breakup or divorce, co-parenting can be challenging. However, there are resources available to help. These can show you how to make co-parenting work, highlight the benefits for your children, and help improve your relationship with the other parent.

Tips for co-parents:

• work together as a team and accept that disagreements will happen
• clearly outline and manage what you expect from each other
• make a schedule or plan for parenting to provide stability, but be flexible if work or other commitments come up
• don’t speak badly about the other parent in front of your child
• keep consistent rules and routines in both households
• always prioritize your child’s needs
• put aside any anger, hurt, or frustration

What is family mediation?

Family mediation is when a neutral, trained mediator helps you and your ex-partner make decisions about your children and finances after you separate. 

The National Family Mediation Service offers a Separated Parents Information Programme, offering advice and guidance on the challenges of co-parenting.

The programme broadly focuses on following three areas:

• the legal, financial and emotional process you will be experiencing
• understanding more about how your children may be responding to your separation or divorce
• improving communication with your ex-partner to help you with your future parenting

Find out more here: Separated Parents’ Information Programme (National Family Mediation Service)

Support and resources

For more information and support please visit:

• Co-Parenting and Joint Custody Tips for Divorced Parents (HelpGuide)
• Divorce and separation (CAFCASS)
• Parenting post-separation (Fegans)

Materials to use with parents and families

Download your Harmony at Home tools (please use the Harmony at Home Planning Tool and Strengths based Questions as a framework for your work with families):

• Harmony at Home Tool (Word document)
• Harmony at Home Strengths Based Questions (PDF)
• Harmony at Home Booklet (PDF)*
• Harmony at Home Z Card (PDF)*
  *With acknowledgement and thanks to parents and practitioners in Essex who originally co-produced this content.
• Brene Brown on Blame (YouTube)
• Brene Brown on Empathy (YouTube)
• Parent problem Checklist from Tower Hamlets Council (PDF)
• See it differently - videos designed to reduce parental conflict in front of children

In an emergency always dial 999

If you or a friend are suffering from domestic abuse please see links below for help that is available:

SafeLives ending domestic abuse

Safe Lives have all the domestic abuse resources in a one stop link: SafeLives - Ending domestic abuse

Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 

West Mercia Women’s Aid

Visit: West Mercia Women's Aid 

Call the helpline 24-hours a day on: 0800 980 3331 

Men’s Advice Line

Call: 0808 801 0327 (Monday to Friday 9:00am to 5:00pm)

For more information and further domestic abuse related information and services please visit the Worcestershire County Council Domestic abuse page.