Dealing with traumatic events for professionals

For a child, the world in many ways is still relatively unknown. Experiencing the harsh realities of the death of a loved one, and encountering grief for the first time, can make their world even more confusing. Add to this a family unit in its own state of grief and distress, this can become an unsettling time in a child’s life.

However, it is likely that most young people will have lost a loved one or a relative by the time they are 16 so it is helpful for schools and the adults around them to have some good information and reliable organisations that they can turn to for support at this highly distressing time.

Guidance for educational settings

The Educational Psychology service have produced the following document: 

• Guidance for educational settings following the death of a member of staff or pupil (PDF) 

However, there is also information contained within the guidance that would be helpful for supporting children and young people following the death of someone they know.

National support

Winston’s Wish National Helpline 08452 030405.
Support, guidance and information for anyone caring for a bereaved child or a child facing the imminent death of a family member.

Child Bereavement Charity UK: The Child Bereavement Charity (CBC) provides specialised support, information and training to all those affected when a baby or child dies, or when a child is bereaved. General enquiries: 01494 568900.

Childhood Bereavement Network: The Childhood Bereavement Network (CBN) is a national, multi-professional federation of organisations and individuals working with bereaved children and young people.

Cruse Bereavement Care:  Cruse Bereavement Care exists to promote the well-being of bereaved people and to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief and cope with their loss. Helpline: 0844 477 9400.

Young Minds: YoungMinds is the national charity committed to improving the emotional wellbeing and mental health of children and young people. Parents Helpline: 0808 802 5544.

Local support

The Educational Psychology Service - this service will provide free immediate psychological support to a setting following the death of a child or staff member.  

If you have not been contacted by them, please email: EdPsychology@worcestershire.gov.uk.

One of the most traumatic incidents that a child or young person might be faced with is the death of a friend or family member - and this experience is further complicated when the death is a result of suicide.

Why is death by suicide different

The difference:

• the grief is often far more intense, and there is often a lack of ‘closure’
• people bereaved may look for ‘answers’ and try to find reasons the person took their life
• some people may feel there is a stigma associated with death by suicide
• the bereaved are more likely to become socially isolated
• sometimes, people may feel responsible in some way for the person’s death, for example, if a student took their life and were bullied at school
• people may feel guilt associated with not anticipating or preventing the suicide

The affects

Examples of how suicide bereavement can affect children’s behaviour:

• heightened insecurities for example fearful, clingy, tearful
• acutely distressed or agitated
• anxiety about being left
• “acting out” – pushing boundaries
• acting in a “naughty” way, breaking known rules
• risk-taking behaviours
• withdrawal from friends and family
• aware of mortality and scared of death
• poor performance at school
• ‘attention-seeking’ behaviours
• in shock
• regressive behaviour for example when eating, sleeping and toileting
• hyperactivity
• traumatised
• excessive anger
• depressed

Understanding what has happened

How to help your students understand what has happened:

• don’t put a time limit on the process of grieving. Be available some time after the initial shock of the death
• sit quietly with your students and listen while he or she talks, cries or is silent
• talk about the person who has died (if you can) in a sensitive and positive way
• consider doing an activity with the students to remember/honour the person’s life, such as a memorial, or making a photo wall
• make opportunities for students to talk to each other, look at photos or share stories
• maintain a routine as much as possible. Routines can provide essential stability
• acknowledge and believe the young person’s pain and distress whatever the loss
• don’t panic in the absence or presence of strong emotional responses
• be consistent, honest and reassuring. Talking about suicide in the correct way normalises the situation
• be careful not to talk about the method a person may have taken their life
• be aware of the effect of special occasions that may be hard for your student, e.g. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, Easter, holidays
• be aware of your own grief or feeling of helplessness
• reassure the person that grief is a normal response to loss and there is no wrong or right way to grieve

National support

Papyrus (prevention of young suicide): PAPYRUS is a voluntary UK organisation committed to the prevention of young suicide and the promotion of mental health and emotional wellbeing.

Hope Line UK: 0800 068 41 41 (for practical advice on suicide prevention).

Samaritans:  The Samaritans Step-by-Step programme supports schools to recover from a suspected or attempted suicide: Samaritans Step-by-Step programme.

Local support

Worcestershire’s suicide bereavement support service: this service aims to ease the distress and improve the wellbeing of those who have been bereaved, or affected, by suicide. It provides emotional support, practical help and signposting to other organisations. The service is free, confidential and available to residents of Worcestershire, of any age. Contact: 01905 947933.