We hope this information will answer any questions you may have about the Adoption Letter Box. Your Letter Box arrangement may last for many years so we suggest you keep the booklet to refer to in the years to come.

What is the Letter Box?
The Letter Box is an arrangement through which birth relatives and adoptive parents can exchange information after adoption, usually once a year, at a time agreed between those involved, and with confidentiality assured.

Why have a Letter Box scheme?
There can be benefits for everyone involved in a Letter Box arrangement:

For adopted children: Although adopted children have become part of another family, they may want news of their birth family, to know their birth family still thinks about them and is interested in their progress. The aim is to help children feel both accepted in their adoptive family and comfortable about their origins and identity.  If in years to come adopted young people are thinking about meeting with birth relatives, having had news of them over the years will make them more confident about what to expect.   

For birth relatives: Birth relatives often have a strong need to be reassured that the child is alive and well, and sometimes would also like more detailed news of the child’s health and progress, looks and interests. Although this news sometimes brings back painful memories, most birth parents and relatives feel they would rather have it than not. It can help to build up a realistic view of the child’s developing personality and skills, as s/he moves on from the age at which birth relatives will remember him/her. For birth relatives, too, a regular exchange of information over the years may help to smooth the way if the adopted child proposes a meeting when he or she is grown up.

For adoptive parents: Adoptive parents often find the news they receive through the Letter Box helps them to be ready for and to answer the child’s questions over the years. It gives them a picture of birth relatives’ continuing lives and thoughts, and it may also help with issues that arise after adoption, such as health problems. It can act as a regular reminder to discuss adoption issues openly and regularly with the child. The information is sent to the adoptive parents, and they share it with the child in a way and at a time which they decide is right. However, experience has shown that it is most helpful to the child if the information is part of the child’s understanding about adoption from very early on.

Much of the news exchanged through the Letter Box is positive and reassuring, but there may be times when difficult or painful information is received, or when urgent news needs to be passed on. Anyone with a Letter Box arrangement can ask for help and support from the Letter Box worker or a social worker at any time.

Many adoptive parents and birth relatives have told us that preparing and receiving regular news and photographs through the Letter Box arouses deep and sometimes painful feelings. These feelings are a natural and normal part of being involved in adoption. If you feel overwhelmed, do seek help, from the Letter Box worker or social worker, a post-adoption service or family and friends.

Who can use the Letter Box?
Letter Box arrangements are always made between the birth relatives and the adoptive parents - the adults in the situation. Adopted children may sometimes write to birth relatives themselves, within the Letter Box arrangement, with agreement from their adoptive parents, but the expectation is that it is the adults who will be exchanging news.

The adoptive parents will make the decisions about what is passed on to the children, and how and when. Some children, especially as they grow older, will have their own ideas about the Letter Box arrangement, and sometimes changes may be made if it seems the right thing for everyone involved.

A Letter Box arrangement of some kind is made for most children who are adopted. All adoptive parents are expected to take part. In birth families, birth parents and birth grandparents are the people who use the Letter Box most, but aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters also use it. Other people, who may not be relatives but who have been very important to the child in the past, may also have a Letter Box arrangement if this is agreed to be a good thing for the child. Brothers and sisters who have been adopted by separate families can have a Letter Box arrangement set up between the two adoptive families if this is necessary.  

It is quite possible to have a Letter Box arrangement which works in only one direction. Information may be sent from adopters to birth family only, or either side may want to send news in but not receive it themselves.

What can I send through the Letter Box?
In all Letter Box agreements, the adoptive parents are expected to send news of the child to the Letter Box each year. Sending a photograph of the child may be agreed. Birth relatives may agree to send in photographs and information about themselves. Videos are sometimes suggested, but our experience is that they prove not to be very practical.

The Letter Box cannot cope with the exchange of presents, vouchers or money, for reasons of sheer space and because of the risk of things getting lost. We realise some people will be disappointed by this, and hope they will understand.

How is a Letter Box arrangement set up?
The Letter Box is managed by an adoption social worker, based in the Adoption Team.  

Before a child is adopted, there will have been a good deal of discussion, for both birth relatives and adoptive parents with their social workers, about what kind of contact there might be between the two families after adoption.

If it is agreed that a Letter Box arrangement is appropriate, before the adoption order is made adoptive parents and birth relatives will each be asked by their social workers to complete a Letter Box form. This sets out what they hope to receive through the Letter Box, and what they are prepared to provide and when.

Your social worker will help you with this, and together you should be able to work out what is practical and possible.

It is very important that you do not agree to send more (or more often) than you will be able to keep up over the many years ahead. A Letter Box agreement is a serious commitment and a long-term undertaking. A simpler arrangement may be easier to keep to.

Most people decide to send information once a year. For some people the month of the child’s birthday is the one they choose, but others prefer to avoid this month; there are no rules about this. If you are sending news and greetings for a child’s birthday, you need to allow at least two weeks for the Letter Box to send it on in time. We prefer you not to choose December if possible, because the Letter Box can become very overloaded at Christmas, causing lots of delays. You can enclose Christmas greetings with news sent at other times of year and they can be kept for Christmas time. If December is your month, you really need to send in November to be on the safe side.

When the forms are complete they are sent to the Letter Box worker. The needs of the child and the wishes of all concerned are then carefully considered and agreement can often be reached. However, it must be stressed that it will not always be possible to meet everyone’s requests.

When can the Letter Box arrangement start?
Any exchange of news before an adoption order is made will be handled by the social workers involved. Be aware that the final Letter Box agreement may not be for exactly the same items. When the adoption order has been made by the court, the Letter Box arrangement can be set up.

The Letter Box worker sends a Letter Box agreement letter to the birth relatives and the adoptive parents confirming what has been agreed, and setting out exactly what everyone needs to do in the future. S/he also sends each person a copy of the form they completed, as a reminder of what they have agreed to. It is a good idea to keep the letter and the form safely to look at in years to come, to remind yourself what the arrangements are.

How does the Letter Box work?
You send all information (news, photos etc) for a Letter Box arrangement directly to the Letter Box worker at the address given in this booklet. Please also include a note to the Letter Box worker with the child’s birth name, and your full name, so the right connections can be made. You will be sent an acknowledgement when your news arrives at the Letter Box.
Everything sent in to the Letter Box will be looked at by the Letter Box worker. It is easier, for this reason, if envelopes are left unsealed. A copy of everything sent in to the Letter Box is made and kept, in case the originals should go astray.

When news for you has been received at the Letter Box, we will send you a letter asking you if you would like the news, and whether your address is still the same. When you let us know you would like the news, it will then be sent on by the Letter Box worker, according to the agreement made.

If information sent in to the Letter Box might be distressing or difficult for the person for whom it is intended, the Letter Box worker or the appropriate social worker will make direct contact with the person awaiting the news before it is sent on. Occasionally the worker might contact the writer of news to ask that something be written in a different way. If you are ever concerned about what you have received through the Letter Box, or if you are not sure how to pass on some difficult news, do get in touch with the Letter Box worker.

All information sent in to the Letter Box is treated as highly confidential, like all adoption records, unless it appears a child may be at risk. Your news will be read only by professional adoption workers. If you accidentally include confidential information (such as an address) in the news, this will normally be taken out before the news is sent on.  

If you change your address, please be sure to let the Letter Box know. If you don’t do this, it won’t be possible to send on news which may arrive for you, or precious letters and photographs may be lost.

What sort of things should I write?
Many people find it quite hard to write their letters for a Letter Box arrangement and especially the first one. We have prepared a guide to give you some ideas about what you could write in your news to get you started. You should find the guide inserted in this booklet. If it is not, please ask your social worker to provide one for you, or contact the Letter Box and ask for one to be sent to you.  We have also provided some sample letters which we hope will help.

If you would like more help, ask your social worker or the Letter Box worker, who will be pleased to help you.

What if I can’t write or read very well?
We can provide our information booklet and guide in large print, braille or other languages, or on audio tape.

If you need someone to help write or read your Letter Box letters for you, get in touch with your social worker or the Letter Box worker to discuss this.

If you need your Letter Box letters translated into another language, we can arrange this. We can also arrange for news to be re-produced in large print or braille.

What if I don’t keep to the agreement?
We realise that it is easy to forget to send in your news to the Letter Box as arranged, but please try your best to send it in the month agreed. We know that children, adoptive parents and birth relatives often feel very disappointed and let down if the news they are expecting is late, or does not arrive at all.  If we have not heard from you by the end of the month following, we will send you an automatic reminder.

If you are having difficulties preparing your news, or for some reason you now do not wish to send or receive news, please let the Letter Box worker know promptly.

Am I legally obliged to keep to the agreement made?
At present, all Letter Box agreements are voluntary, and depend on the goodwill of all those concerned to keep them going. We very much hope that everyone will keep to the agreements they have made. Not doing so may cause hurt and distress to the other people involved, not least to the child as s/he grows up.  

What happens if, as a birth relative, I do not wish to be involved in a Letter Box arrangement?
We know that at the time a child is placed for adoption, some birth relatives feel they do not want to take part in a Letter Box arrangement. These feelings may not change, but it may be that at some time in the future, even years ahead, the birth relative may begin to feel differently. For this reason, we let birth relatives know that their news will be kept safely in the Letter Box for them if they wish to claim it in the future.

We also ask adoptive parents to go on sending news to the Letter Box each year for the same reason.

If birth relatives or adoptive parents decide in years to come that they would like to begin taking part in Letter Box exchanges, or to begin again if they have withdrawn for a while, the Letter Box worker will be pleased to talk about how to go about seeing if this would be possible.

What happens if news is not claimed?
If the news you send in is not claimed, it will be retained in the Letter Box. The Letter Box will contact you prior to the adopted child's 18th birthday or the end of the Letter Box arrangement, to ask you what you would like to happen to the news. It can either be returned to you, or it can be placed on the adoption file, where it can be seen by the adopted person at any time in the future. S/he can decide whether to remove any news and keep it, or leave it on the file.

If the birth relative for whom unclaimed news is intended contacts the Department in the future asking for his/her news, if it remains on the file it may be passed on to him/her at that stage.

If the adopted person, as an adult, wishes there to be a different arrangement, it is his/her right to say what should happen to any unclaimed news, if and when s/he contacts the Department.

What if the Letter Box agreement needs to be changed?
For various reasons the Letter Box arrangements may need to be altered as the years go by. Some adopted children may not want news about them to be sent as they get older. With the agreement of the adoptive parents, some may want to start writing themselves. It is important that the child’s wishes are respected at every stage. The views and situation of birth relatives and adoptive parents may also change. You may find it helpful to talk things over with a social worker if you are in touch with one. If not, the Letter Box worker will be pleased to help. If the proposed change seems to be the right thing for everyone involved, and particularly for the child, the Letter Box arrangements can be changed. The Letter Box worker will normally write to everyone involved to confirm the change agreed.

What happens when the adopted person becomes 18?
Letter Box arrangement can end when the adopted person becomes an adult at 18 years old, or in some situations it can be extended. At 18 the adopted person has the right to decide for him/herself what contact there should be with birth relatives in the future. An adopted person can have access to information held in the adoption file once s/he reaches 18, although some adopted people do not request this until much later, or not at all.

Some months before the adopted person becomes 18, the Letter Box worker will write to the adoptive parents and the birth relatives concerned, to remind them when the arrangement could end, and to discuss available options. The Letter Box worker will provide information about sources of help and support for the future for the adoptive parents, the adopted young person and the birth relatives.

Any information in the Letter Box which has not been claimed will be dealt with as outlined in the section “What happens if news is not claimed.”  The adoption file will be kept safely in the archives for a minimum of 75 years.  If the adopted person asks to see the file, any transferred Letter Box information will be available to him/her then, along with other records about the adoption. The support of a counsellor would always be available if requested. The adopted person can decide whether to keep the Letter Box information (which may include letters to birth relatives from the adopters or items from birth relatives held in the Letter Box) or whether to leave it on the file.

This can be a time of disappointment, uncertainty and frustration for birth relatives in particular, if previously regular exchanges of news now cease. The Letter Box worker can offer support or suggest other sources of help. It is important, however, to respect the wishes of the adopted person about contact in the years to come.

Where do I send my Letter Box letters?

Please send your letters, photos etc. to:

LETTER BOX
P.O. BOX 747
WORCESTER
WR4 9GU

This is the address for all Letter Box correspondence.

Can I telephone the Letter Box direct?

You can telephone the Letter Box on:
01905 765300

If you have any difficulties making contact, talk to your social worker or contact the County Adoption Team on 01905 765504

Some Letter Box Users’ Views

Birth relatives:

“We are always eager and look forward to having news and photos.”

“[I can] cope and relax in the knowledge that my daughter is fine and safe.”

“…my son is still considered as part of the family.”

“I am able to let her know what is happening in my life.”

“[If] it takes too long to receive replies…it causes heartache.”

This is very important so that she does not feel forgotten or uncared for.”

Adoptive parents:

It helps to build up the history/story of our children.”

[It] lets him know he was loved.”

It’s good to look back over the year and have a record for the future.”

“I’m still disappointed…and feel rather frustrated that it is only one way.”

“He continues to ask if there is any post for him - he is always hopeful.”

We feel it is worth the commitment to see our child’s pleasure at receiving something.”

Letter Box exchanges can provide years of valuable information and reassurance to everyone involved in an adoption. Many birth and adoptive families tell us it means a great deal to them. We hope you will find that it is a good way of keeping in touch for you.

The Letter Box was devised and established in 1991
by Sue Carey (1948 - 1994)while Principal Officer, Adoption
for Hereford and Worcester County Council
Children's Services Department

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Get in touch with our Contact Centre:
Call: 0845 607 2000  or  Email: socialcare@worcestershire.gov.uk
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